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Saturday, August 03, 2002
judge

Tee hee - aren't giraffes funny?
Friday, August 02, 2002
Big Man Arse tit wank bollocks. Do you want stuff with animals too?
gingerbbm Yeah fuck that cunting shit. Got any more kiddie porn by the way?
Big Man Sounds good to me. Whatever you do though don't link it to this site - wouldn't want clients seeing what we're really like!!!
gingerbbm Tried to buy www.bathtub.ltd.uk earlier, but unfortunately you have to actually own a limited company of that name - and provide the ID number registered with Companies House. So, until the company's formed, I'm going to register www.bathtub.org.uk instead...
Big Man Not on my PC chief.
gingerbbm Gents, am looking for a font. Please check your machines (via Word, or whatever's easiest).

It's called "ITC Garamond Narrow Light". If you have this, please let me know!

Ta.
Thursday, August 01, 2002
gingerbbm I think we can leverage the dotted-line approach and achieve a synergy with Point 5.

Tomoko's away tonight on Visa Renewal Attempt Take Two. Yes, it's a coach to Amsterdam (only £37!) arriving 7am tomorrow morning, then a flight back from Schipol.
Matt McD apart from point 5
Matt McD Just got your mail stu - top stuff mate! Covered all agenda points nicely!
Matt McD Yep, i know that poem stu and it is good, especially if your a rebellious teenager!
Looking forward to tonight. Can't imagine it will take long. I've done a mini-agenda:
1) Technical issues of the old website (SJ & the fella)
2) Convince fella to let us have free creative reign (MM)
3) Costs and technical issues of the new site (SJ & the fella)
4) AOB (all)
5) Go back to mine to smoke a dweebie (SJ, MM NS?)
Big Man Those americans what will they think of next!
gingerbbm I'm not a particularly literate gent, although if I had the time I'd like to become one. I expect you two art students are aware of this poem, which I first encountered fairly recently by a certain P. Larkin. Although it's slightly negative, there's something about it that struck me... and I like it.

They fuck you up, your mum and dad,
they may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had,
and add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn,
by fools, in old style hats and coats,
who half the time were sorry stern,
and half at one anothers' throats.

Man hands on misery to man,
it broadens like a coastal shelf.
So get out as quickly as you can,
and don't have any kids yourself
Matt McD is that one of wordsworth's famous poems?
Big Man That guy needs help!
gingerbbm Just continuing on from the Channel 4 newsgirl thing, I was trying to find a good picture of Sue Turton, when I happened upon this scary page.
Matt McD Should be able to do the 30/8. I've got map, etc, so no worries for tonight
Big Man Looking before leaping spoils the fun of leaping! You live and learn!

Nottingham sounds good to me. One of the girls from work is going to be on her hen weekend in Nottingham on that weekend!!!!! However i will be looking to avoid that.
gingerbbm Just heard from Mister Lister - he's inviting us all to Nottingham for the weekend of 30/8, so gentlemen, check yer diaries...

Oh, and Matt, can you navigate tonight (i.e. do a streetmap on the postcode today, print it out, study it, and give me simple directions while you're riding shotgun later)?
gingerbbm Look before you leap. I do.
Big Man I agree with the use for smell though. Also for use as depressed - he's in a funk.
Big Man Stu - you're making stuff up - i've never heard funk used to mean fright or panic. I even watched Shaft the other night and it wasn't used there so it can't be true!

Wednesday, July 31, 2002
gingerbbm Also means 'smelly'. "In the morning after a heavy night's smoking, there's a funk in the flat."
Matt McD I've never heard that definition of funk before (always thought it was just a music term), so it went over my head!!
gingerbbm Jazz = Masturbate
Funk = A state of fright; a panic
Matt McD explain....
gingerbbm Actually, I didn't get it from Roger's... but that's where Low Resolution Fox came from.

My personal favourite - just because it's so clever - is Jazz Funk: when one is unexpectedly interrupted when you're taking Captain Picard to warp speed.
Matt McD Is it from Rogers profanisaurus? Just like: take Captain Picard to warp speed v. TV baldy /cock euph. Masturbate; to strangle Kojak.
gingerbbm It's a euphemism for when a lady has erect nipples underneath her garments.
Matt McD what's 'smuggling peanuts'?
gingerbbm Tomoko's Slovakian friend Dasha (who is gorgeous, by the way) was the au pair for Sian's kids. Tomoko met Sian at Dasha's wedding. If I'd have known, I'd have been there in an instant, trying to persuade her to commit adultery.

Kirsty Gallagher? I've only seen her a handful of time on RI:SE and every time without fail she's smuggling peanuts (and they seem a bit wayward). Perhaps it's in her contract.

The Channel 4 Newsgirsl are Low Resolution Foxes, and although Bridgid has a bit of a 'tache she's OK, Matt. I prefer... I think her name's Sue Turton... who did the coverage from Japan in the World Cup. But here's Bridgid for you...

Matt McD don't think so but I like the look of her!!
Big Man It's not Jasmine Lowson who used to do the Big Breakfast news is it?

Matt McD Sian is minging. Kirsty if fit as fuck, although I don't think she can be in the category of Sian and Sophie, who I would say would be considered 'the older, thinking man's news journalist crumpet'. Kirsty G is more in the penthouse pets category. There is a fit asian bird who does channel 4 news but can't find a picture of her - there's a challenge for you fellas?
Big Man I agree with you Matt, Sophie is quite tasty, been watching BBC Breakfast after waking up early in the summer sun. Don't normally have time for tv in the morning. Although the best bird on morning tv has to be Kirsty Galagher on Ch4. She would make any man Rise!
gingerbbm Once again Matt I think we'll have to agree to disagree on the subject of women. Sophie is minging. Sian's the one for me...
Matt McD Looking forward to Saturday.

You can tell I'm getting old as I now think that Sophie from BBC breakfast tv is gorgeous.

Tuesday, July 30, 2002
judge Geezers! I'm in a net cafe in Guernsey right now. Tell you what - Guernsey's shite! Fucking shite! It's like London, but with the sea all round it, and then a lot smaller and with greenhouses and fields everywhere and fuck all else. Bag. Of. Shite.

I heard that Crowded House/Doggy Dogg bootleg the other day too. And that's all it is - a bootleg. For more like it, try Xfm's 'Remix' CD, or download tunes by Freelance Hellraiser - he who did the Strokes/Aguilera one, and countless others - I've got a few on MP3...

I'm paying by the minute here, so you'll excuse me if I don't join in with the rip-Thames-Ditton-golf-club-web-site-to-shreds thing. Will do when I get back back...

Regarding the Temple - I'm not getting back until Saturday morning, so it'll be mad as fuck all day. Trumps has now sold all his tickets as well, but I've had a couple of returns. Think we're on for at least a hundred though, but as they say, it'll be 'on the night'. May's done the backdrops, but I haven't seen them. Should be a good'un. Bring it on I say!

OK, Dave's just been charged £1.50 for what amounted to ten minutes web time, so I'm off now - will ring everyone on Saturday to arrange meet ups. I suggest we meet in Brixton nice and early, and I'll leg it over to Dogstar for a while to put the drops up and check out their soundsystem etc. Six o' clock? It is Saturday after all...

See ya!
gingerbbm Yeah, yeah. But I think it's important to understand exactly what the current site offers so we know what to re-use (in terms of content, not design) and what needs to be junked or complemented. Content is the important bit: design will come from what the site offers.
Matt McD Correct on both counts!
I wouldn't spend too much time on the existing site. Basically we want to convince him that we need to start again, this way we can design it to how we want. We'll have a brainstorm after he has agreed to let us have a free reign.
gingerbbm Clarification:
  • No money is involved
  • We don't have to wear suits

    I've listed everything the site currently offers (or purports to) so I'll begin pruning and rearranging.
    		•
    Matt McD Right we're meeting this fella on Thursday at 8pm - his address is 27 Orchard Road, Sunbury, TW16 5BZ - the other side of Kempton Park apparently.Just get over to mine asap and we'll take it from there.
    gingerbbm How long does it take to get to Sunbury if I pick you up first? Plucking a figure out of the air I suggest 8pm. Or maybe 8.30. I should be home from work by 6...
    Matt McD Stu - what time? I need to let the bloke know
    Matt McD I think we'll take the approach of rather than tinker with the existing site - bin it and start again. But essentially we'll just wing it from suggestions posted at bathtub. What time can you do? He lives in Sunbury and you'd need to pick me up on the way. Laptop would be good.
    Big Man Good work Matt, Bathtub Plc is born! I'll try to offer up some suggestions before the meeting, i agree that a mob-handed presence could be a bit much for him!!
    gingerbbm Sorry Matt, missed the pertinent post!

    I can do Thursday (tomorrow it's Austin Powers in "The Man With The Golden Tool") so I reakon it's a goer! However, should we discuss ideas beforehand? In the car on the way there? I'd better start looking at it more seriously. If I can get it working I can bring my laptop with me!!

    Good work Macca!
    Matt McD Stu - what about the meeting?
    Matt McD
    gingerbbm Addendum: You've got to put the "http://" in, too!! Sorry about that...
    Matt McD
    gingerbbm

    Web Publishing Masterclass


    Day #2: Images



    1. Find the picture you want (on some other webpage)
    2. Right click on the picture and select 'Properties'
    3. Using the mouse, highlight the 'Address (URL)' information.
    4. Copy it to the clipboard (either right click and select 'Copy' or just hit CTRL+C)
    5. Go to Blogger and enter <img src="www.lardshoveller.co.uk/lard.gif"> (replace "www.lardshoveller.co.uk/lard.gif" with the information in your clipboard, i.e. paste it in!)
    6. Post and publish and Voila! the image should appear (unless the people who's picture you're using restrict this...)
    Matt McD Fellas - we're in! Paul Bennett called me and he wants to meet up either wednesday or thursday this week in the evening - I'm free either day, so let me know what suits. He lives in Sunbury so basically we'll go round to his gaff as he is self-employed as he's got a pc we can crowd around and slag off the website (his brother did it before, so not too harsh!!) Nick I would say come along too, but it might scare him 3 people turning up!! Stu, what do you reakon?
    Matt McD I'll give them a call on wednesday again to chase it up! The more I think about it the more it is a viable business that we should all pursue. What you need to do is set up 5 templates for golf websites based on what the main business is, eg if it has big function business for weddings, etc you can push that, if it is just golf then make that more prominent. Anyway golf clubs choose the template the like the most and then we charge £50 per month maintenence and updating, and then they are locked into you. We then sell them marketing consultancy because at the end of the day whats the point in having a website if no one knows it exists, so we charge them a fee to get them in all online directories, etc and we are all millionaires!

    Cue - picture of del boy - how do you get pictures up here?
    gingerbbm Anyone heard from Paul lately?
    Monday, July 29, 2002
    gingerbbm Hmm. So did you tear my monkey temple site to shreds? Would like to know some criticisms... I think.
    Big Man Was just about to say the same thing, i mean talk about a glorious opening shot

    the 19th hole really does look like a hole, etc, etc

    How about hiring a helicopter to do some moving camerawork from tee to green just like they do on the telly? or is that a bit extravagant?

    But seriously, i will have a good think about it too. Look at the counter it would seem they could do with getting some good links established too. I did this kind of thing for a friend recently (critiquing a website) she hasn't done anything on it yet but found it useful, plus i enjoy tearing other peoples work to shreds.
    gingerbbm I'll try and fit in a complete deconstruction over the next day or so. On first impression it's shit visually; the content is generally OK - but it needs shuffling about.
    Big Man Well i suggest a brainstorm - how about a weekend at a country mansion, i'll bring the marker pens if someone else can manage a flipchart?

    As for the title - i'm off to the nearest services to get some business cards made up, actually it might be quicker if i print some labels and stick them on to cardboard......
    Matt McD how about Assistant Deputy Co-ordinating Business Director?
    Any comments on the website apart from 'its shit' will be useful.

    Big Man Well done Matt, your first hyperlink, let's get out the cigars


    As for this business venture, any jobs going? I can be a great office joker!
    Matt McD crap golf club site that is going to take us on the road to millions
    Matt McD Thames Ditton are up for it!!
    I think anyway - got to speak to the pro on wednesday and will try and sort out a meeting with them, but the bloke who answered the phone thought it shouldn't be a problem.
    gingerbbm Cool. And I told you how to put hyperlinks in! Once again...

    To put URLs up here, you can either click the little world icon (to the left of the Bold and Italic buttons).

    Or, enter something like this: <a href="http://www.gapingholes.com">Click here!</a> Then, when you post and publish, the stuff in angle brackets disappears, and the "Click here!" becomes a hyperlink.
    Matt McD Just got off the phone to him and he says that he's keen to hear more but the golf club is in a process of change at the moment (I think another company is buying the club). He will get back to me in a couple of weeks.
    I'll give thames ditton a call which at the moment has a website -www.tdandegc.co.uk (I don't know how to put hyperlinks in!) Its complete crap so we can improve it dead easy.
    gingerbbm Matt, what happened with Mr Golf?
    Big Man That is rather annoying to say the least!
    gingerbbm Well, there are three options:
  • leave and re-enter the country via an airport
  • go to the home office
  • send passport to the home office

    Neither of the home office options are very attractive as they tend to be pretty tough. What's not helping matters is that to renew what is a student visa, you must submit an attendance record for the previous year. And Tomoko's attendance for last year is... 7% (yes, seven).

    The worst case scenario is that they'll only give her a tourist visa, but that in itself is good for six months.
    • Big Man Je suis tres desolee mon ami. What happens for Tomoko now then?

    gingerbbm You're obviously bored, Nick. I would suggest you go and have a wank but I don't want start all that again...

    So, Paris was homosexual. The whole point of the trip was to enable Tomoko to renew her visa at immigration, which is why we booked it last minute. We left on Saturday afternoon (leaving behind Steve T. Keys who I'd met up and had a mammoth smoke with the night before) and had an uneventful journey to the French capital surrounded by young [too] French girls. They were all about eleven years old and spoke brilliant English. I wondered how different the trip would have been with their equivalent English counterparts. Upon arrival, Paris was hot.

    Checked into the hotel and went for a wander, ending up on a small island in the Seine. We were loitering outside a vibing restaurant when the owner came out and offered us a table. By all accounts, this was incredible luck as one usually has to make a reservation, and we weren't disappointed. The best thing was the jazz/blues piano being played all evening. Fan-dabby-dozy. Later we took in Notre Dame - which really is quite gothic - and the Louvre.

    Sunday arrived and we decided to check out the Eiffel Tower. We got on the train and ended up somewhere South of Paris. Turned round and came back to discover that all sorts of stations were closed and, well, it was a fucking nightmare but we got there. But it was minging with tourists (hypocrite? me?) so we headed for the Champs Elysees... which we soon discovered was the location of the conclusion of the Tour de France. Then we realised the time. Thus ensued a Run Lola Run-esque dash across town to arrive at the Eurostar departure gates as our particular train was pulling away. Fortune smiled on us (for it had something up its sleave) and we got free replacement tickets for the next train.

    And when we got to Waterloo, there was no immigration. Tomoko walked through, pleading with the police to look at her passport (and thus question the state of her visa - soon to expire), but they could do nothing! So, the whole nub of the trip, the whole point of the journey - to renew her visa at immigration - failed spectacularly!

    And so she has three days left.
    Big Man Come on then Stu, the anticipation is killing me.......
    gingerbbm Will post in a bit. Just got here!
    Big Man Cheap drugs!!
    Big Man Good points about 'Temple' - Paul, what's happening?
    Matt McD I'm here and have heard that track before, it is amusing but fear it will lead to millions of similar type songs!! I had a good weekend in Devon, playing golf, drinking, going on fairgrounds, lying on the beach, etc....Am I supposed to have received a Monkey Temple ticket yet? What's the plan? Any class A's being ordered?
    Big Man Echo, echo, echo echo echo echo.....

    Anyone out there?

    Anyone listen to XFM this morning? They played a superb mix of Crowded House and Snoop 'Doggy' Dogg - track call the The Weather Epsiode - i urge you to listen out for it.
    Big Man Mornin' fellas, how were our respective weekends?

    Personally i had a fantastic day of free booze and food at Lords courtesy of our phone suppliers. So much rich food that my stomach still feels distended now.

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